When the going gets tough…
Dear readers, I am still writing, as I sit at my husband’s bedside. PBC and hepatocellular cancer are completing their destruction of his body. Often I stare, memorizing his face. When the lights are off and there are only shadows, I run my hands over his, memorizing every crease, every fold of skin. Many tears fall in the dark of night, fewer in the light of day.
I try to focus on the blessings and the good times we have shared through thirty-eight years of marriage, three children, 5.5 grandchildren, countless friends, and many, many adventures.
The septic tank went on the fritz on Friday (now fixed), the frig is going out along with the hot water heater. Of these things, I don’t really care. I am thankful for friends who fixed the septic. The other things – all other things – seem like nightmares I just don’t care to watch.
All I want to do is sit by his side and remember, and send him peacefully and painlessly on when he is ready to go.
I will be back, dear readers, but not for a while.
Thank you for understanding.
Keep writing! ~T