(Note to my readers: Please understand today’s post is not meant to be great prose or to necessarily help you in your writing journey. This writing is stream of consciousness and comes to you through tears and memories. Thanks for understanding. This is all I can give today… Also, a warning: I am sharing a lot of media with my sweet Brinkley, because I am so thankful he is still with me, despite the odds.)
Today, I am having a hard time writing anything. I am grieving.
My dear friend lost her fur baby to cancer this week. Balto was only three years old; I have known him since he was a puppy. We also spoke with long-time friends in Arizona yesterday, and it seems so many of our friends there are dealing with loss, mostly due to cancer, in pets and in people. My sweet husband and partner in everything for thirty-eight years and I have been dealing with being told in January there is nothing more they can do to treat his cancer.
Cancer sucks. A dear friend on Maui lost her beloved to cancer a few years back and sent a picture of herself in a t-shirt with those letters boldly displayed across her chest. I get that statement more and more each day – and it does suck on so many levels.
Two years ago, I was given the news that my dear Brinkley had cancer, a kind that is aggressive and resists treatment. After surgery to remove the tumors in his hind leg joint, I silently wept and shuddered as our vet gave the news that all the literature said Brinkley would be dead within a year. Thank God Chris was wrong. Chris always has the biggest smile when I take Brinkley in and he sees that information was wrong, that Brinkley can still beat you nearly to death with his tail. For many, though, the literature isn’t wrong. The heartbreak of losing a loved one to cancer, or anything for that matter, is palpable, like a soup with too much salt – burning, drying, choking.
Some of you will understand this. Others will want to understand this. Others won’t get it at all. If you don’t understand the deep attachment people can have to their animals, how we grieve over those losses as much as we do when friends and family succumb to that disease, I don’t know what to say.
Today I am hurting – for my friend, for Balto, for everyone I know who is fighting… and losing.
So, I am not going to write today. I am going outside to breathe sweet, spring air. My hubby and I are going to town for a bowl of chowder at one of our favorite spots, River Rising Bakery. We will go to the grocery store for items needed for our Sunday BBQ with our daughter’s family, who lost their father and husband to cancer three years ago. We will be happy, laugh, and joke, because that is how you get through this crappy thing called cancer.
I repeat. Cancer sucks!
Hoping you have things to write about today, that the words flow from you. ~T
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